Monday, January 23, 2006

A thought provoking post

Today in my spiderweb wandering, I came across an interesting post that had me caught for a long time. It is an older post so you might have already seen it. It was from Thru Blue eyes, I'm ready.

It really made me think about the blah feeling, something is missning feeling I have been experiencing.

This was my comment to the post:

Maybe I missed the 'bus', but I did not interpret your post as the others did...I didn't get the 'I am going to run out and have a red hot affair', but more of a wistful remembrance of the rush of passion and hormones that comes with new love. The singular, burning flush, the impulsive almost obsessive nature of discover.Your post stuck a cord deep in me.I have a great life...wonderful husband, good kids, good job...blah...blah...blah...but I have bemoaning on my blog that I have been feeling like something is missing, and feeling guilty that such thoughts even cross my mind. I have been afraid to pinpoint what it is, for fear that verbalizing it will make it more real, rather than a random passing feeling.Ironically, I had a dream not long ago about a brief passionate affair I had about 16 years ago, while I was married to my first husband. Logically, I know that the dream was more about that rush of feelings than the actual man. But I do think and wonder about him too. And I remember things, I have no business thinking about...the way I could tell what he was thinking (about almost any subject, not just sex) in a flash of his crinkling eyes, his laugh, his dumb jokes (especially around St.Patrick's Day), our song, the way he liked me to play with his curling hair at the nape of his neck and his smell...god, I can still remember his smell.But would I change my life if he came knocking, or would I change the out come of our, never....But I do still wonder why we didn't meet before we were both married, or wonder what my life would have been like if after our affair was discovered, our paths joined instead of separated...What was the point of such an instant, deep and complete connection between the two us? Could it really be for such a short time, for something as tawdry as an affair?

What is scary to me, is how can I feel that a spark is missing, when G and I have such a good marriage and great sex. As I said, I really wouldn't trade what I have for that rush of emotions...but that doesn't mean I don't miss it. I guess what it comes down to is, even great sex can become routine...and I need to find someway to fix that.


Blogger sxuly yrs said...

We just found your blog too, and love it! We will be back!
-Chris and Andi

8:40 PM  
Blogger consise10 said...

Your blog and this post is amazing!

3:27 AM  

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