Judgement

I recently read of a couple of posts that got me thinking about sexual preferences and the labels and judgements that come with those preferences. Even as sexual boundries are being expanded and as the web makes more and more people aware of what can be considered 'deviant" sex acts, the more it seems to polarize some people. Sex and sexuality brings out extremes in people. And while some of us have , I believe, a healthy 'different strokes for different folks' attitude, I am amazed at the number of people who are so rigid in their beliefs.

This blog, pervasiveness-of-porn is a classic example. It's a long blog, but the gist is in an illegally attempting to download a kids movie she got porn. She goes on the rail about the evils of porn and specifically about evils of anal sex in porn. Quite a few comments, most applauding her post and thinking. Being open minded and non judgement as I am, I am always amazed at the venom spewed at something they chose to watch. Conveinent how she glossed over the fact that she was illegally downloading the movie with the justification, "I like to watch the movie, before I buy it." Well so do I, that's why I rent it first. She thinks it is morally and ethically ok to steal, but not ok for a porn to show anal sex because it "many women will be hurt by men whose sexual education was made or at least started by this movie." Unbelievable!

I don't have a problem with her personal dislike of anal sex, hey like I said, 'different stroke for different folks'. But, I hate to break it to her the porn industry did not invent anal sex. Did it make it more common? Yes, I will give her that....but actually, I think that's a good thing.
In my own life, I was curious and attracted to anal sex long before it was prevelent in porn. I can't remember my first awareness that such a thing existed, but I can remember when I realized it really appealed to me....the same time I learned I wasn't a 'freak' for the sexual submissiveness I felt...it was while reading the Story of O . The point is no book or porn made anal sex or BMSD appealing to me, it only made me see it was possible and confident that there were other people out there enjoyed it. I say, 'don't knock till you try it'.....you never know, you might like it.

Are there extremes, certainly. We all know rape and abuse are terrible and horible things. That doesn't stop women fantasing about rape. Just look at the staggering number of 'bodice ripper' novels out there. In a debate you have to throw out the extremes.

The simple fact is, if you don't like porn, don't watch it...I already hear her, but it affecting men...trust me, most men know porn is fantasy, just as women who read bodice rippers, don't really want to be raped. Will men try and talk their wives and girlfriends into trying it, probably...but that is nothing new. Men try to talk women into sex all time and have since the beginning of time. This is just a new frontier. Consider oral sex. Oral sex was condsider deviant, now it is main stream...do men like it of course, it feels great to them. Do they try to get it as often as possible...duh. Do some women like it? Just ask Desirous . But most woman will say they really don't like it and don't do it very often. Isn't that true for just about any kind of sex? Can we stipulate that most men's sex drive is higher than most women's? How is anal sex any different? In most relationships men will ask for it and will be told no, life goes on.

On the other end of the pendulum, some people in the BSDM community look down at 'players' like G and I. I have had e-mails telling me I shouldn't use the term BSDM or submissive in my posts, because I am not a 'true' submissive. True, for me TPE (total power exchange is) out of the question. The truth is in 'real' life I am, just slightly, more dominent then G. Not that he is a wall flower...he is stong, assertive, opinionated and totally politically incorrect at times....lol...but for the most part I 'handle' the household and G likes that....and it's a good thing because I don't think I could change. On the other side of the coin, in the bedroom I like to be submissive, not just when we do BSDM, but on the whole, deferring to him and lettng him set the pace....and it's a good thing I do like that, because that is what he likes...and I know he could never change. This yin and yang is what makes are relationship work. Are there times when we disagree about household stuff, of course. Are there times we disagree on sexual stuff, of course. But with a little give and take it seems to work out.

So how can anyone sit in judgement of anything we do that makes our relationship work for us. We both enjoy sex, a lot of it and a lot of varied techniques and maybe it's just the hormones, maybe it is an addiction, but I can tell you this we don't fight very often. When we do have a disagreement we usually realise it is a fairly minor thing and let it go or if we have especially strong feelings (we can not talk politics!!!lol) we have learned to stop the argument and say, we agree to disagree and be done with it. Maybe this sounds wrong to some people, but what it boils down to for us is: Don't sweat the small stuff, is the small thing we are arguing about going to stop us from having sex? Is it worth that? Most of the time the answer is no. Don't knock it till you try it.