Disappointed
Our mind is such a big tool, it stinks when it can get you so worked up, that real life is bound to disappoint. Been there done that before, so I do try and temper myself, but last night was just...frankly...almost vanilla and not even good vanilla, like haagen dazs, more like that cheap ice milk stuff.
Last night when G came home from work, the kids were at the park and I was in the tub. He came into the bathroom and rubbed my soapy tits, "Ah, is my little slut getting all nice and clean for me?" I nodded. "That's good, I have been thinking of you all day and have some new naughty things I want to try with you tonight." He said in a low voice as he pulled and tweaked my nipples. Mmmm, chills went down my spine. I was excited and a little frightened.
Through out the evening, when the kids were occupied in the family room, he would creep into the living room and whisper lovely, naughty things in my ear while he slapped my ass, or pinched a nipple or once even had me suck him hard (don't worry the house is large and we can hear the kids coming down the long tiled hallway, long before they see us).
After the kids were in bed, he came in and gave me my orders, "Go upstairs within 10 minutes, I want heavy eye makeup and bright red lips. Take off your shirt, but leave your panties, I will be up in about 20 minutes." I scampered upstairs, did my make up and waited and up the bed, enjoying the delicious anticipation of what was to come....
...from there it fizzles...really, it is not even worth recording.
What the night did include:
He did strap me to the wedge
A very lackluster spanking with a wooden paddle, no more than a minute.
Some nipple/breast play with a suction cup thingy he loves, again, only for a very short time.
What the night didn't include:
No cock sucking
No anal play
No hair pulling
No collar or leash
Where was the 'new naughty things I want to try with you tonight'?
I know, I know, I shouldn't be complaining. I did cum while he fucked me from behind...and he seemed to have a great time...but I can't help thinking, that's all you got? After I ask you to possess me even more and you tell me that you're excited and want that as well. I give you body to do with what you will and you spank me?
I do get, that he might be treading lightly out of his own fear of taking things too far, but come on...last night you whipped me with a crop, tortured my tits with nipple clamps and forcefully took my ass...and tonight you spanked me? Can you tell the spanking is bugging me?
After when he was saying how good it was for him, he did say, "I took it easy on you tonight, because we have a long weekend ahead."
No, I didn't say anything to him...because I don't want to mess with his 'dom-ness'. I think if I say anything critical it will only make it worse. So I am trying to be optimistic about tonight, but I am not holding my breath.
Labels: mental struggles
posted by marriedwithsex @ 4:49 AM
5 Comments:
I understand.
It's particularly hard when you're expecting escalation and you get less. But you're right not to have said anything critical.
I agree the letdown part is the worst. Been there, done that, more times than I'd like to count! But I'd like to *very respectfully* disagree with Conina. :)
I've read so much advice about letting my man's "domliness" express itself in its own way. Only when you submit to his style is it really true submission. And so on. And so on. That works great *if* your man has a style and is becoming Domly and if you have the patience of a saint. But sometimes, I think they just ... need ... more!
I found a great (very long) document that I printed out and gave to my hubby that has made a lot of difference although I still have my disappointments too! It's made him so much more Domly -- now it's almost real for him, but unfortunately not in his soul as I posted on my own blog. I'm still trying to come to terms with that, but that's another story. :)
It's the holiday week and I'm swamped right now, but I'll try to find the link and do a full post on the great "Dom document" when things calms down for me.
Hugs and know that we understand! maui girl
Vanillus Interuptus. my Man reads my blog...so there are a lot of things i don't say, y'know? He works 70+ hours a week, and a lot of the time is too tired to do anything at all, let alone choke the shit out of me or beat me or even spank me when i break the rules...
but i don't say much, because He's trying to be Domly, and calls it topping when i complain...
Maybe i'm greedy, i don't know, and lady knows i like to be used as a masturbation tool...but a steady diet of only that gets cloying. Like too much vanilla.
Argh. Enough whining out of me! How do we decide when it's greed and when it's need? When you figure that out, let me know, ok?
Cheers!
maui girl: I hear what you're saying - but considering the night before, I don't know that criticism at that moment would have been helpful, is all I meant. Lord knows you of all people have the patience of a saint, indeed, and I certainly know the Dom-types need a push now and then..
I try to tell myself as long as everyone gets their happies we're all golden. But it's harder sometimes than others. Sometimes I just want to shout at myself to grow up and take responsibility for my own desires, that this whole submissive thing reeks of "feminine mystique," which is BS to me. But it's not like that. It's not that he doesn't know and I won't tell him. He knows and I don't tell him because I don't want to repeat myself and force his hand. ARGH!
And now I've written a blog post on someone else's blog.
We understand, indeed, marriedwithsex.
Thanks everybody.
Still struggling. Yesterday, I let it go as much as possible and was happy when told me to go take my bath and gave me 'clothes' for after.
I was thrilled that while watching the football game he beckoned me to him several times to abuse my tits, finger me, spank me...and even one time forcible fuck my mouth so long and hard I sputtering and gagging and he almost came...he stopped saying, "not yet"....
Flash forward to 8:15, DD3, was being whiny at bedtime, grated I know...but I was downstairs by 8:25. I could feel him stewing and within a few moments he tossed me the remote and said, "I'm going to bed" it was clear from his tone he did not want company.
Trying not to over analyze and take it at face value...but honestly I can't remember the last time when went 2 nights in a row without sex, let alone over a weekend.
Maui, would love to see the list when you have time.
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